I’m having a huge dilemma! I am in a rebound relationship!
I’ve been with him for a year now, but I used to be with him a few years ago as well. It didn’t work out a few years ago because there were issues with our sex life!! We lived together and were with each other for about 3 years. No children in common, but at that time I had a son. I spoke to him about the sex but it was no change. He has an average size penis, which is really not an issue for me if you know how to use it, but what really bothered me is that when we would have sex, he would only last like 5 minutes. I dealt with it for as long as I could and then I cheated.
He found out about it and the relationship went downhill from there. We tried to hang on, but the trust was gone. Eventually he moved out and we went our separate ways. A few years passed and we kept in contact once in a while, but I ended up in another relationship. I had a baby by that person, but sadly it didn’t work out. I used to feel like it was karma biting me in the ass for cheating in my prior relationship. So, he knew about the new relationship and the new baby and the fact that it didn’t work out. I secretly wanted him to take me back but I couldn’t bring myself to say it. I could tell that he still loved me just by some of the things he would say on the phone and how he seemed to care so much about me being hurt even though I cheated on him in the past.
So, all of the communication between us ended up placing us back into each other’s lives and now we have been together for 1 year. However, the sex is still an issue! I am not satisfied! And I thought because I am older now, 32-years old to be exact, that I would be able to overlook it and just focus on all of his other qualities. But, once again it’s taking a toll on me! I spoke to a few people about it and I’m getting responses like, “Just stay with him because he is a provider and have a guy on the side just for sex.” Or, “you need to figure out if sex is that important to you and if it is you need to move on.”
I am so confused because I love him and I don’t want to hurt him again and I feel like if I cheat I’m going to hurt him and if I leave him I’m going to hurt him. Sometimes we argue over little things and I know it’s because I cheated on him in the past so his guard is up. It feels like I’m walking on eggshells sometimes and I hate that feeling.
This time around we don’t live together but he pays my car insurance, and a few other bills. I mean I am independent I have my own place and a good job, but the things that he is helping me with helps out a great deal, but I don’t want that to be the highlight of our relationship because that is just wrong! Please help me. – Unsatisfied
Dear Ms. Unsatisfied,
SMDH! You are just the worse!
I’m going to say this and be done with it – You don’t love him. You love what he can do for you. You love that he is helping you out by paying your car insurance, and the few other bills that he’s helping you with financially. It takes the load off of you and taking care of two kids by yourself. Because I know neither of your children’s fathers is contributing to their well-being, thus, you are using this man to supplement your “independent” lifestyle. Girl, bye! Miss me already.
This man has been with you through two different baby daddies, though you were not together at the time, however, he’s been the one steady constant in your life. He’s the one you run to when you need something, or want someone to make you feel loved, yet, you know in your heart that he cannot satisfy you and your thirsty loins. You’ve cheated on him previously for his inability to work over your hungry va-ja-ja, which became the demise of your relationship. And, after some time apart you had this epiphany, your ‘aha’ moment, and realized he was a great guy who did a lot for you and was dependable and a stand-up guy, so you wanted him back and went back to the very situation only to discover that the sex is still the same.
Now, your throbbing and hungry coochie needs to be scratched because he’s not doing the job, and you want me to tell you what? You knew what you were getting when you decided to get back into a relationship with him. What were you expecting? You made the choice to get back in a doomed relationship. It’s not going anywhere, and cannot go anywhere because you have unresolved issues. And, one of those issues is the sex. If he can’t satisfy you and keep you happy in the bedroom WHY REMAIN IN THE RELATIONSHIP?
You say, “I am so confused because I love him and I don’t want to hurt him again and I feel like if I cheat I’m going to hurt him and if I leave him I’m going to hurt him.” Well, here’s a newsflash for you, sweetie – You’re already hurting him by staying in the relationship and lying and deceiving him. Why be with someone if you’re not satisfied? Why be with someone who cannot give you what you need in the bedroom? The only thing you’re going to do is what you know how to do best: CHEAT! I just call them as I see them.
You’re already arguing over little things, and you feel it’s because you’ve cheated in the past and that he’s holding it against you. You said that you hate the feeling of walking on eggshells with him. So, again, why are you with him? Oh, yeah, my bad. It’s because of what he can do for you financially, and the support he provides. Trifling a**!
So, because of your misery you’re going to drag him around and make his life miserable as well? Because of your insatiable need to have your p***y beat up, and his inability to get the job done you’re already fantasizing about some other dude jumping your bones. Yeah, stay with him smarta**. Stay with him and continue to be unhappy. Stay with him and cheat and get your rocks off temporarily for a few hours.
If he is such a great guy, supportive, nurturing, and everything you need in a man, then have you thought about coming up with some sex games or other means of helping him last longer in the bedroom? Have you explored with him how to touch you, play with you, and pleasure you in other various ways? Have you considered prolonging your foreplay, giving him specific instructions and guiding him to your various erogenous zones and pleasure points? What about exploring more of his erogenous zones and pleasure points? Naw, you didn’t because it would take some actual thinking with your brain instead of your coochie. You already know what to do and instead of asking me, and everyone else what you should do, how about you be a grown a** woman and be honest with yourself and him. He can’t get the job, and you’re unhappy and unsatisfied in the bedroom. Plain and simple. So, tell him, “You are a good man. You need to be with a woman who will appreciate you and everything about you. But, I can’t stay in this relationship because the way I need to be handled as a woman in the bedroom and have my p***y pounded, we are just not a match sexually.” – Terrance Dean
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