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Is Your Relationship Low-Key Or On the Down Low?

I had the pleasure of being a guest on the R & B Podcast hosted by Lincoln Anthony Blades of the popular This Is Your Conscience blog. We had a really interesting laid back conversation (as always) chopping it up about everything from event planning to my thoughts on threesomes (your cue to check it out).  In the midst of our spirited conversation we touched on the topic of low-key relationships. The podcast was recorded on Saturday and the topic reverberated in my head for the entire weekend. This was after an exciting whirlwind of cocktails, fresh fruits and other distractions.

I learned during our dialogue that keeping relationships low-key is typically a male preference. Low key for the purpose of our discussion today is simply a preference for intimate encounters with minimal to no social media attention operating on a need to know basis. Down low refers to this classic R Kelly Isley Brothers track.

At this stage in my life and for a good portion of my dating life I’ve always preferred the Beyonce and Jay-Z approach, dropping little hints here and there, teasing, but never really getting into the raw dog details of my romantic relationships at any one time. They really had the media twitching for a good minute didn’t they?!

Is Your Relationship Low-Key Or On the Down Low?

I have stories, every day I work hard to create them believe me, but I respect any one I chose to date and carefully select what to share and what to keep under wraps.

9 times out of ten women are uncomfortable with low-key relationship because they feel as though a man is trying to hide them from the world. The fear is that they may end up in that side chick role, heading for a “just bag the face” demotion. I understand the concern and admittedly I’ve been in relationships that were not really relationships because of this factor *sigh* however this assumption is usually far-fetched especially if the man has not said, “I’m not looking for a relationship” or, “we just chillin”.

My reason for wanting a low-key relationship is so that he and I can build a foundation based upon respect and intimacy on our own terms before we ever publicly announce the relationship. The minute a relationship goes “viral” is the minute the strength of it will be tested and generally speaking men seem to understand this more than women *kanye shrugs*

Get your weight up before the Facebook relationship status change, before the parental introductions, before talks of the titles and rings. Who are we? What do we stand for? What will we NOT stand for? Do we respect each other?

It’s up to us (yes that includes you!) to take initiative at maintaining intimacy and therefore a balanced level of privacy in our love lives. Especially in world where people are murdered and abused over Facebook beef- Really though?! That’s enough of my two cents, what is your take on low-key relationships? Are you more comfortable with the red carpet approach or would you rather keep the good news to yourself?

P.S It’s also important to understand the difference between low key and down low. Skipping out of town and hiding from your partner’s spouse or significant other in crusty motels in seedy parts of town is not low key it means you’re on the side-If that’s what tickles your fancy by all means happy hiding.

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20 Things Women Wish Men Knew About Sex

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You Can Win Without It

“It’s not what wins a woman over.” – Carmen.

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Listen Up!

“That I actually know what I want, so don’t be scared to listen to me.” – Victoria

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We’re Not All the Same

“Every woman is different. What pleases one woman might not necessarily please another. The key is being in tune with your woman and her particular needs and desires.” – Lela

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We’re Ovens Not Microwaves

“We are not always ready when they are ready. We just have sex because they want us to have sex.” – Melissa

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We Get So Emotional

“Sex is an emotional act for women and is not just meant to fill a physical need.” – Precious

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It Can Make Us Feel Safe

“Intimacy with the one you love provides you a safe place to be vulnerable.” – Tina

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Don’t Want It Too Much

“Their obsession with it is a turn-off.” – Trei

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Sex and Love Aren’t the Same

“Having sex with a woman is not the way to her heart but making love to her will go a long way. There is a difference you know!” – Toya

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There Has to Be More to It

“It’s a part of the relationship, NOT the relationship.” – Chevelle

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Foreplay Matters

“How to be passionate and to learn that foreplay takes place all day long; a phone call to say something sexy, a sexually charged email. Start setting the mood early in the day.” – Therea

No Condom, No Complaining

“Not using protection forfeits your right to complain about the consequences.” – Ayana

Stimulate My Mind Too

“That you got to mentally satisfy before you get between the thighs!” – Janet

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Taking Off All My Clothes Is A Big Deal

“That ripping my clothes off as soon as we’re alone is not always as sexy as men think. Being naked makes a woman feel vulnerable and if he’s too pushy, it doesn’t make her feel comfortable at all.” – Candace

Our Heads Are In the Game

“It’s more mental than physical for women.” – Krystal

The Clitoris Is the Queen

“How to find the clitoris! Learn what it is, where it is and give it some attention.” – Phylicia

Be A Friend First

“Companionship is so much better.” – Dawn

Make Every Moment Count

“Truly cherishing the before, the act and after of love making.” – Matasha

We Like Orgasms Too

“We want [to have] an orgasm every time just like they want one every time!” – Amber

Can’t We Just Cuddle?

“We don’t always want sex just because we want to cuddle.” – Ethel

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Touch Me, Tease Me

“Take time to caress and love each part as if it was the last time you’ll experience love making.” – Lynn

20 Things Women Wish Men Knew About Sex

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FROM A MALE PERSPECTIVE: SHOULD YOU KEEP PHOTOS OF YOUR EX?

By Anthony Jerrod

Mutual breakups are as rare as natural black diamonds of Brazil. In most cases, one person is the frigid heartbreaker, while the other warmly laments over the broken union and the good times.  Certainly, there are individuals who have no problems with leaving the worn baggage of their previous relationships behind and upgrading to someone who will really love, cherish, encourage, respect and potentially walk down the aisle with them.

Conversely, there are some people who simply don’t want to let go of their ex-lover and would welcome the opportunity to remain friends, although there would likely be more pain and shattered promises that fill the earthly canvas like glass.  It is not atypical for such individuals to keep memories of their past lover around their homes, on their smartphones and social media pages and even nostalgically ponder what they once had.  Now, there are many things that you can do at the same damn time, but being in love with your new admirer while holding on to the unnecessary chains of your previous relationship can lead to disaster.

Is it okay to keep photographs of your ex-boyfriend when your love is under new management?  If you ask me, absolutely not!  Throw them away!

Several proponents have concurred that there is nothing wrong with retaining snapshots of ex-boyfriends. They believe that it is all about trust, and their new “boo” shouldn’t feel jealous or threatened if he is confident. And also, who has time to go through old photo albums (online and old-school) to weed out photos of past flames? Those are fair opinions.

Look, there aren’t too many men who would be cool with flipping through your iPhone or Droid and discovering that you have stored pictures, especially naked or half-naked photos of your ex-boyfriend.  If your new man is really putting everything that he can into the relationship–emotionally, spiritually, financially, and mentally–and you still have electronic and hard copy images of your last “boo” hanging around your home, there is a really good chance that he would be hurt. Although certain men would not admit that they would be insecure or torn inside by things of this nature, they just might be.

Let’s be real, how would you feel if the tables were turned?  Would you be fine with finding the “dime” that he used to date in his cellular phone?  Would you maintain your cool if you found explicit photos of his beautiful ex-lover in his bedroom, especially one from a past long-term relationship?

If you are really over your ex-boyfriend, do you need to see a picture of him every day or on a consistent basis, especially when you are in a new, serious relationship? And if you don’t look at them, do you need them at all? To cover all grounds, there are certain situations where photos may include shared children, which would be acceptable to most gentlemen to keep in the children’s room. And group photos with friends or family just might be fair game too. But if this is not the case, then it is essential to achieve closure on intimate relationships of the past to ensure that your new path is full of blessings and favor.  If you don’t want to throw away photos of your ex, it would be nice to store them in a box in an attic that you can look at 20 years from now when it shouldn’t matter to you or your future husband.  But at second thought, why would you and your spouse ever want to look at them?

FROM A MALE PERSPECTIVE: SHOULD YOU KEEP PHOTOS OF YOUR EX?

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JEALOUS? WHY YOU SHOULD BE AT PEACE WITH YOURSELF BEFORE ENTERING A RELATIONSHIP

By Jazmine Denise

I remember my first true encounter with the green-eyed monster known as jealousy. It was summer 2006 and I was one-year strong in my first “mature” relationship. The relationship had been going so well that I was sure I had been living out some Disney fairytale, until this one day, which seemed like any other. I had just gotten home from a job I’d snagged for the summer, I raced to my bedroom to call my Prince Charming whom I hadn’t heard from all day. “Hello,” I said eagerly as soon as I heard him pick up the phone; however, something wasn’t quite right. I heard a female’s laughter in the background. “Who’s that?” I asked twisting my face up, hoping he would say a cousin or relative. “Oh, that’s Shamika, the girl from across the street.” I sat on the other end of the phone silently. My heart sank. I felt like my face was going to crack and I was overcome with an intense feeling that I had a hard time identifying. I’d later come to know this intense and overwhelming feeling as jealousy. My logic told me that there was probably nothing up with this girl from across the street, but my imagination and emotions went running in a completely different direction.

Jealousy is one of those erratic and unreasonable emotions that can transform a fairly mild-mannered woman into a ranting, probing, lurking lunatic. A jealous woman can be like a terrorist to a man in a relationship. You know the deal: checking cell phones, cracking voicemail codes, Facebook passwords, Twitter passwords, cell phone company records, etc. You name it, I’ve done it. Little did I know, jealousy would be a frequent visitor in my relationships.

After my second or third encounter with this feeling, I began to realize that I had a problem. The crazy part is that I knew something about it was off and would’ve traded almost anything to get rid of those feelings. They were practically consuming me. It was as if a “Shamika” had been assigned to every last one of my relationships and just when I thought I had overcome it, the overbearing and suffocating feelings of jealousy would resurface. I would always try to work through it, convinced that this time I would beat this feeling. Each time I failed. I had no peace. After awhile I began to realize that these feelings were stemming from something internal, and if I were to ever truly overcome them, I would have to start addressing the issues that lie within. It was a quest that I would have to take on alone.

Jealousy is defined as an emotion that typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values. Jealousy is not to be confused with envy. One thing that took me awhile to realize is that jealousy is never about the other person, it is usually about the individual battling this emotion. You can almost guarantee that when these intense feelings do arise, you can find insecurity somewhere in the background, acting as a puppeteer pulling all of the right strings. Many women tend to hide behind the “Most men are dogs” or “I’ve been done wrong in the past” philosophies to justify their jealous behavior; however, these generalizations do not apply to all men walking the planet.

Once I actually began to look within I received profound revelation. Although outwardly I looked perfectly fine, internally I was a mess. I had deeply-rooted issues with insecurity that I had never truly taken the time to realize were there. As I began to pull back the layers of myself, I found a little girl who had always wished she looked like someone else. Although I had since grown from that awkward little girl into an attractive young woman, I still carried the same feelings and emotions of that young lady. I had to come to terms with the fact that I barely liked myself, so of course it would be hard for me to understand why a man would like or even love me. Then, it all began to click. No wonder why it would drive me crazy for my man to be in the presence of a “Shamika.” Already feeling unworthy of his love and affection, I feared that if he spent enough time in her presence he’d discover some hidden gem within her that he didn’t see in me. What I failed to discover were the hidden gems within myself and how valuable I actually was. That day I made a vow to thoroughly love myself before ever committing to loving another person again, no matter how long it took.

I remember my last encounter with the green-eyed monster known as jealousy. It was summer 2010. A “Shamika” emerged on the scene and I was determined not to be shaken. I had my suspicions about this “Shamika” as always. This time my suspicions were correct. My relationship ended that fall. I remember reflecting on the situation and laughing. My fears had finally come true. A “Shamika” had swooped down and stolen the affections of my man. But guess what? I didn’t die. My heart didn’t stop beating. My life didn’t stop. I picked up the pieces of my brokenheart and continued on. After battling my personal demons of jealousy it dawned on me that he didn’t leave because she was better than me. He left because he was a wanderer and that is what wanderers do. It was in that moment that I realized that jealousy is a wasted emotion, but confidence and the realization of self-worth are the anecdotes. The confidence of knowing that no matter the outcome, remembering that you’ll be alright can and will take you far. A person is going to do what they wish to do regardless, whether you choose to obsess over it is up to you.

If you find yourself battling intense feelings of jealousy you have to ask yourself why. Is it because you have feelings of insecurity or inadequacy? Is it because you’ve had your heart broken in the past? Is it because you place too much value on your relationship as opposed to other things of higher priority in your life? After doing some soul searching, I am sure that you too can find the answer to this question. I’ve kissed jealousy goodbye and so can you.

JEALOUS? WHY YOU SHOULD BE AT PEACE WITH YOURSELF BEFORE ENTERING A RELATIONSHIP

Being Nice Doesn’t Mean That He Want’s A Relationship

A MAN’S POINT OF VIEW,SINGLES & DATING

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By UntouchableGary

I hate being the bearer of bad news but I do have to clear the air on an issue that I’ve had to deal with my whole life. I imagine I’m not the only guy on the planet who has had this experience as well. What I’m referring to is the misinterpretation of my “nice guy actions”.

Ladies, I know it’s hard to believe, but all guys are not raised to be as@holes. Granted some choose to be, because after all you are what you are, so don’t automatically assume that he wants a relationship with you just because he is being nice to you.

Often times a guy being nice will make a woman run in the opposite direction. I guess it’s because they are so used to running into idiots that when a good situation does come along they aren’t mentally prepared for it.

On the other hand, when a guy is just being nice because he is supposed to, he gets the label of ‘boyfriend material’. And there is nothing wrong with seeing the quality in a man that does the little things, but where some go wrong is ASSUMING that he is mutually feeling the same way. Sometimes it’s just a matter of treating a lady the way she is supposed to be treated, nothing more and nothing less.

So there you have it! Don’t jump to conclusions because he’s nice to you. Just enjoy it and appreciate a true gentleman.

Keep Rockin’
Untouchablegary

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Being Nice Doesn’t Mean That He Want’s A Relationship

How Do We Recommit To Monogamy After An Affair?

By 

After your partner comes clean about an affair, is it really possible to have a monogamous relationship? In this video, therapist, relationship coach and YourTango Expert Dr. Tammy Nelsonexplains what it takes for couples to recommit to monogamy after an affairI Caught My Man Looking At Porn. Is He Cheating? VIDEO

“Your understanding of monogamy really has come to an end,” she says. Therefore, before you can truly move on, you must grieve the loss of your former commitment, which your partner broke when he cheated. Thankfully, says Dr. Tammy, it is possible to rebuild your relationship.

After grieving, sit down with your partner and discuss the new terms of your relationship. What exactly are you promising to one another? This way, says Dr. Tammy, you will both be on the same page moving forward.

Bobbi Kristina In Relationship With ‘Adopted’ Brother Nick Gordon

Eyewitnesses saw Bobbi Kristina and Nicholas Gordon kissing while shopping at Target in the community of Johns Creek, Georgia recently.

Pair, who are not blood relations, reportedly caught kissing on shopping trip

Bobbi Kristina is said to be embroiled in a shocking affair with her ‘adopted brother’ Nick Gordon, who her mother Whitney Houston raised as a son.





Although the pair are not blood relatives, they were raised as siblings after the singer took young Nick into her home and called the star ‘mom’.

According to HollywoodLife Bobbi Kristina was spotted locking lips with the 22 year-old near their home in Atlanta, Georgia during a shopping trip.

“Bobbi and Nick were in the music section and then all over the store,” a source told the website, “Bobbi was kissing him on the mouth and holding hands. They were laughing and smiling and seemed SO happy.”


Whitney With Bobbi Kristina And Nick Gordon In December 2011

Despite the efforts of her grandmother Cissy, Bobbi Kristina has been living alone with Nick since the death of her mother in February and is arguing with her family who want her to leave him.

The pair allegedly didn’t care who saw them together and the 19 year-old was dressed, “like she was going out on the town”.

The two are known to be incredibly close, with Nick tweeting the youngster on her birthday at the start of March: “Happy Birthday @REALbkBrown I love you.”

It is unknown how long the relationship has been romantic but it may have started even before Whitney’s death. The youngster tweeted a suggestive message last November which said: “I love sleeping with big brudder (: only person that helps my insomnia B!! Hah (: #teamfamilia!”

“Mmm @ndgordon An I.. Mmm can you say early risers ?(:”

The worrying development will only cause further problems for the Houston family who are said to be struggling to deal with the rebellious teen following her mother’s death.

It was revealed this week that Bobbi Kristina is set to inherit $1 billion from her mother. Whitney Houston was found dead on February 11th, at the age of 48 in a hotel room in Los Angeles.

Bobbi Kristina Gives First Interview After Death Of Mother







Bobbi Kristina In Relationship With ‘Adopted’ Brother Nick Gordon

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Heidi Klum on Split with Seal: He Can Say What He Wants

By Lesley Messer

The last few months haven’t been easy for Heidi Klum, who split from Seal, her husband of seven years, in January. But she’s trying her best to keep her head up.

“I feel like I’m in the eye of a tornado,” she tells Elle in its April issue. “Sometimes I think a curve ball just comes at you. Instead of something straight that you can catch, it hits you in the head from the side that you didn’t expect.”

Klum, 38, understands that the couple’s separation seemed sudden – but she tells the magazine that things in her marriage with the singer, 49, weren’t always what they seemed.

“People don’t need to know who did what,” she says. “I don’t want to talk positive or negatively about the ups and downs that we had. Every couple goes through things. Unfortunately, we’re in the public, so the highs are out there. But I don’t think it’s necessary for – especially for our children – to have the lows being printed in magazines and talked about.”

PHOTOS: Heidi Klum & Seal’s Sexy, Silly Romance

Still, her ex hasn’t always shared that view, and though he’s been vocal about their split, Klum acknowledges that there’s nothing she can do to change his approach.

“He’s going to be 50 next year. He’s a grown man,” she says. “I can’t tell him what to do and what not to do. It’s hard.”

To cope, she’s been spending as much time as possible at home, focusing on the couple’s four children.

“I’m a lioness,” says Klum. “I have four cubs. I’m a mom. I want to take care of my kids and protect them. I don’t want to talk about them, or him, or me.”

She’s also been avoiding reading the stories about her relationship – though when asked about the rumor that her success contributed to their split, she answered simply: “I’m a strong person. But I’m also a soft person. I can hurt. I’m not a robot. I’m not made of stone.”

Heidi Klum on Split with Seal: He Can Say What He Wants

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